Today I have secured my seat on the throne of manhood. As Mjolnir, the hammer of mighty Thor, was thrust into the flames at its forging, emerging stronger, I thrust my arms deep into the recesses of the machine and emerged newly wrought. Where once there was darkness and maddening chaos, there is now order and light. Let it not be said that these hands never endured the toils of labor, the soot and grime of industry, nor the weight self-determination.
I have successfully changed my turn signal.
The process was certainly simple in its basic mechanics: a) open hood, b) unfasten headlight access cover, c) unclip and remove headlight backing, d) remove turn signal from housing, e) change bulb, f) do everything you just did, but in reverse. And I couldn’t have done it without the help of this handy guide, posted to the VW Vortex. However, the actual doing proved much to be much more of a finesse job than initially indicated.
This served as an elegant example of the difference between experiences designed for the consumer and those for the service professional, as presented by the good people at Volkswagen. For example: changing the oil in the Golf is not only very easy, it’s extremely obvious where the necessary bits are, as well. The engine (as most are) is mainly black and grey. The dipstick is neon orange. It practically screams, “Pull me out! Pull me out! Calculate and assess with me! I beg of you!”* On the other hand, the headlight case (not intended for consumer fiddling) provides about as much space to work in as your average toaster allows you space to jam your hand into its recesses. Thusly, every step was made infinitely more complex, requiring acrobatics that are undoubtedly similar to scratching a baby’s chin… an unborn baby. I was elbow deep, I tell you.
But, it is done, and now my signal is even and calm; no more frenetic amphetamine-signaling from the car. Victory is mine.
*This can be done with a Peter Lorre voice, if you’d like. If not, then a generic porn star voice will also work, but for different reasons.