Thank you for losing my luggage tonight. Having an arrival time after 10 PM makes luggage loss so much easier, so your timing was great. I guess by checking in early I gave you lots of time to screw up, which worked out well for you. You’ve now misplaced both my luggage and my wife’s in a three week span, in two totally different instances with completely different destinations. This has also strengthened my belief that the Philadelphia International Airport’s slogan should be: “If It Was Legal to Urinate On You, We Probably Would”.