Random Thoughts, vol.2

1) I went to WaWa this evening to get a sandwich and I remembered that they’re offering milkshakes now, so I ambled over to their shake-making device and decided to put the…the…I can’t believe they call it this…the “F’Real Shake”…to the test.

Now, I’m a fan of a good strawberry shake made with real ingredients and well-blended (no unpleasant strawberry gibs in my nicely-textured shake, thanks). So much so, that I even used to drink shakes at Burger King and McDonald’s (not anymore). My stand-by is the chocolate shake, but a good strawberry shake can really hit the spot. So I am always on the hunt for a good shake hit where I can get one. In spite of my doubts about WaWa, I had to know for sure.

The WaWa shake, unlike other frozen beverages, is stored in a separate freezer, to be blended in front of you in the body of the F’Real Shake machine. F’real. The beverage comes in a foil-topped plastic cup (also F’Real) which you open and fit into what I will now refer to as the F’Real Shake Seat of Ascendancy. Upon seating your cup in its steel chariot, you select your thickness as prompted by the little LCD display. Not wanting to tempt fate, I chose the regular thickness, fearing a syrupy goo or an unyielding mass of solid ice cream. The F’Real Frozen Shake Media in its F’Real Shake Cup is then carried aloft by the F’Real Shake Seat of Ascendancy into the Chamber of Shake Makin’ F’Real. The machine bumps and jostles a bit as it clearly uses some sort of terrible burr grinder to convert the F’Real Frozen Shake Media into a F’Real Shake full of urban cachet and dairy. The sound is uncannily like a dentist working in your mouth with powered dental instruments. The newly F’Real’ed F’Real Shake descends from the mouth of the machine, oddly only about 3/4 full, complete and remarkably smooth. In fact, I think I did remark to no one in particular that it was remarkably smooth, proving that to be true.

The shake was actually not that bad. It lacked the overpowering strawberry flavor of some shakes and didn’t have the disturbing texture that other fast food shakes have. It was, as I said, remarkably smooth. This, combined with the thickness, allowed one to drink the bottom of the shake out from under the top, which was a tad aggravating. But overall, a bearable shake. Though I don’t know that it’ll be a regular or even a repeat purchase, as the process still weirds me out F’Real. Plus, that’s the stupidest fucking name for anything, ever, anywhere (they don’t even use the name in the ads).

The head of Reddy Kilowatt, mascot for electricity smiles underneath blue condensed sans serif letters reading 'SO CONVENIENT!.

2) Last night, when I was in dire need of some sleep, around 10:00 PM, the power in our neighborhood went out. The whole area was dark, but that wasn’t really an issue for us, as we were a bit more focused on the lack of air conditioning. Philly was doing its best impression of an armpit and our bedroom was designed extremely well to restrict airflow as much as possible, particularly when one window is plugged with a large metal box that says “Cool” and “Fan” on the front. As I lay on the bed with successively fewer layers and progressively more water molecules gathering about me, I pondered the possible causes of the blackout and also the fact that I no longer had internet access. I concluded that we probably suffered a crippling initial strike by a functioning North Korean Nodong and was struck with fear that nobody would be able to post a warning blog entry about it, becuase the internet is meant to function during times of war, but only if your computer and router run on rubble and crying, rather than electricity. This progressed into making a laundry list of things that run on electricity and how screwed we’d all be if we all didn’t have any for a week. Then, around 2:00 AM, the power came back on and I was lulled to sleep by my conveniences.

3) Ze Frank’s the show is the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages and he does it every weekday. I’d like to thank my friend Adam for linking to this episode, as it set me on the path of Sports Racerhood. I’ve worked my way through the roughly 4 months of them he’s done so far. His delivery style is frenetic, with lots of fast cuts and quick, quirky humor. It’s sort of a DIY Daily Show with more in-jokes. Very, very worth it. I also recommend this one.

4) There’s a new Rocky movie coming out. Here are my thoughts on that: