By popular demand, we here at Current Configuration have set our scientists and design professionals to work creating an effective and elegant method of delivering our findings to those that may not yet know what a computer is. For three long years, millions of R&D dollars have been spent and thousands of prototypes have been created to bring you the Overhanging Public Service Hanger Brochure (PDF).

And for those who would insist that there are “reasons” to hang the toilet paper in the underhung fashion of despots and savages: our cat doesn’t have a problem with it.

Coca-Cola.

Coca-Cola has a complex yet easy-to-enjoy flavor that’s well carbonated and not overly sugared, which is rare for a mainstream soda. Pepsi Cola, on the other hand, is for children and adults who thread their donuts with Twinkies when they’re not licking their candy wrappers for the extra sugar.

Additionally, this is about ’Coca-Cola Classic’, not New Coke, Diet Coke, Diet Caffeine-Free Coke, Cherry Coke, Coke with Lemon, Diet Coke with Lime, Vanilla Coke, or whatever other poorly-conceived-of spin-off concoction they’re foisting on us this week. That stuff ain’t right.

Graphic coming soon probably not ever.

*Also note that this is a comparison of Coca-Cola vs. Pepsi Cola, and excludes all other colas, some of which are better than either. Royal Crown Cola, which is a personal favorite here at Current Config, is an example of this.

Put simply, there is a right way to hang the toilet paper, and a wrong way. Read on to determine the status of your own roll.

Toilet paper has a natural curve, a way of being that lends itself to certain orientations on the toilet paper spool.* If handled with skill and knowledge, it can provide an abundance of both sanitation and comfort, quilted together in each square of pillowy ply. If handled with clumsy ignorance, or worse, carelessness, it will beset the user with pain, filth, and frustration. Don’t let it end this way, with you curled on the tile floor of the stall, weeping in frustration, covered in wasted papier de toilette. To convince you, we’ve created some diagrams, harnessing the power of SCIENCE, to demonstrate the natural benefits of the over hanging method. First, we examine the optimal viewing benefits of the over hanging method.

Below are examples of the helpful and fruitful over-hung method on the left and the annoying and detrimental under-hung method on the right.

Notice the dramatic difference in the amount of visible toilet paper. Ironically, it is the over-hung toilet paper that has both the most visible free sheetage and the least amount of sheetage free from the roll to do it. Now, this may not seem like a big deal on its own, but in these extra sheets lies your undoing. Observe.

We here at Current Configuration, for the purposes of ease and expediency, do the one-handed tear (okay, really, it’s just me, but bear with me, er, us). The one-handed tear is a quick maneuver that takes advantage of the perforated squares, allowing your bundle of toilet paper to be liberated with one quick swipe of the arm. This is the foundation of bathroom ease, the cottony bedrock on which enjoyment rests in the restrooms of many nations.

The one-handed tear relies on a quick and forceful motion directed either away from or towards the tear-er. The forces applied in this motion are great and, like the atom, are not to be trifled with. The natural curve of the over-hung method allows the roll to stand fast after a one-handed tear, but the under-hung method creates a calamitous tendency in the roll. This tendency can only lead to this:

Wasted paper, frustration, the destruction of our forests. While we realize that it is possible to execute a one-handed tear on an under-hung roll, this is a game of sanitary Russian roulette. You are bound to lose eventually, and there is no re-rolling an unwound toilet paper roll. The results will only cause you grief. Don’t let this happen to you. Restroom attendants, janitors, maids, facilities crews, and responsible toiletowners take note: Don’t use the under-hung method for your toilet paper rolls. It leads to the destruction of our precious resources and the pillars of civilization as we know it!

*Does that thing have a proper name?

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Because you demanded it, we bring you the Overhanging Public Service Hanger Brochure.