And finally, if you defy all counter-arguments by saying, “You’re just a government shill/a psyops agent/part of the conspiracy/a fictional identity/deluded by the government’s propaganda,” then you are weaving your own reality according to whim, rather than evidence. And do you know what that makes you? Part of the problem.

…I really need to stop reading YouTube comments.

We were both tired. But unlike him, I wasn’t trying to pay people to lie to their neighbors.

After asking some questions about whether there were a lot of homeowners in the area, he asked me if I’d be interested in displaying an AMP sign in my lawn. He explained that this would help their sales team, because people are more willing to buy what they’ve seen before. He said, and I’m paraphrasing here, that AMP would “help us with a need in the home” as compensation for our help. This would be our help making AMP look like it had some customers to give people the impression that they are an established provider in our area. All of this made sense from a sales and marketing perspective. At first glance, it’s a pretty clever tactic. However, there are two key flaws:

1) Your big sales technique is to introduce your brand as “the alarm company that pays neighbors to lie to each other”? Really? Really. Who in their right mind would use a security service provider whose first community contact involves incentives to foster outright deception within that community? Not just “we are lying” but “we can lie together“. And I think that’s an apt way to phrase it, too.

2) You are asking me to lie to my neighbors. I like my neighbors. Fuck you. Go away.

Now, one could respond to my disbelief and distaste by suggesting that their compensation would be free installation of their alarm service, which would then make the sign a signifier of an actual customer and not a deception. The thing is: he never offered that. He used a slippery phrase that didn’t promise alarm service. Of course, because I said ‘no thanks’, he responded with “So, security’s not a priority for you?” which one could take as an implication that he wanted to give me service. But, again, he never said that. Also, there’s a difference between getting paid to do something and paying to do it.

Because I was so beat, I just brushed him off and closed the door. I’d like to think that I would’ve pressed him further on the deception issue had I not just wanted to lie back down. But I guess we’ll never know. I encourage others to do so, however. I’m curious to hear their response.

The whole thing just seemed like a miscalculation, or perhaps a pitch aimed at more desperate homeowners who smell much-needed free money. I don’t know. I also don’t know what AMP thinks it’s doing. But it sure as hell won’t ever be doing it at my house.

It is these brave souls who remind us that the War for Christmas is alive and well in America. Stand strong you bargain hunters. You remind us all why Santa Claus wears red.

So, knowing this, I’d like everyone to help me out and start popularizing the following saying:

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again. Stop doing that. It’s not nice.”

Thanks in advance, everyone.

This past week was all about the cost of things. The cost of health. The cost of luxury. The cost of living. Fortunately, for all its annoyances, it wasn’t such a big deal. When counting what you’ve paid, it’s always good to be mindful of what you’ve received in return.

For example, early this week, I woke up, popped open my email and was greeted by this message from one of my neighbors:

Subject: Your car Hi Chris Not sure if you are up yet, I believe your car was broken into last night. I think it is your car. Sorry Jaime

I looked out our bedroom window and saw that he was correct. My passenger side front window was smashed and… nothing was stolen. An attempt to take my iPod charger was thwarted by my unbreakable counter-measure: it was connected to a tape adapter in my tape deck.

Clearly, these were criminals who hadn’t quite gotten up the nerve or brains to properly pull off a smash and grab. They also went into my glovebox for… more nothing. A stupid criminal truly is the best form of security. I’ve now taken all visible possessions out of my car, and will probably keep my charger in my glovebox from now on. I think the bright white charger drew the lazy eyes of the scofflaws. I suppose that’s the biggest downside to having luxury items: having to protect them. It’s a good argument for controlled consumption, simply to keep life simple. Having a car is sometimes a wonderful convenience. Mostly I find it a hassle. Perhaps one day I can be rid of it, and then I won’t ever have to worry about it again.

Speaking of being robbed, we also filed our taxes this week.

::rimshot::

I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your server.

Seriously, though. This year was no biggie. Our returns offset our payments quite nicely, so we came out ahead by a little bit. Having a small business makes tax time a bit more complex than it would otherwise be, but our accountant does a superb job of taking our mess of papers and turning them into a nice stack of forms with clear instructions and addressed envelopes. I don’t mind paying taxes (I’m a filthy pinko liberal, after all), but I mind the act of paying them. It’s such a complex and opaque process. My mind quite literally locks up just looking at those terrible forms. It seems such a shame that the IRS has no motivation to stop using forms that are so bureaucratically worded as to be completely impenetrable.

But the sting of taxes is nothing compared to those of baby’s first inoculation. Blackbird got a quick and easy oral dose before getting four jabs to her legs. What impressed me the most was how little she cried afterwards. Honestly, the whole thing probably got me more worked up than her. Alisa and I agreed that she did better than most kids years older than she is. But inoculation is a team effort, and Blackbird has been pretty wiped for the last day or so. Her immune system is clearly on high alert, and she’s getting a taste of what it’s like to be sick. Nothing major, just a raised temp, some crankiness, and a bit more sleep than usual. When she’s being entertained, it’s all smiles, so I’m trying to put all of my overbearing, protective dad instincts to the side. I think my mother’s fretfulness is coming out in me now. We’ll see how that develops with time.

But in spite of all these little costs that life extracts, we’re doing well. My car is fixed, mom and Blackbird are enjoying our summery weather, and we’ll be able to pay our bills. I think Blackbird has the right idea for dealing with situations like these: if you can’t get the boob you’re looking for, any old hand will get the job done until you do.

Pointed out to me by Steve ‘I’m so buff from working out my last name should be Maniel’ Laniel.

Whoever thought that COBRA was a good name for health insurance was probably the same person who thought up the phrase Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act in order to make it work.

Also, clearly not a child in the 80s.

Don’t get me started on those things.

(This post is a bit of an homage to Jessica Hagy’s Indexed. If I’ve inadvertently duplicated an idea she’s already done, then it is only because she’s, like, way smarter than I am. You should visit her site. Start at the first post and work your way forward to get the full effect of this brilliant site.)

I forgot my camera this morning, so in lieu of the cool shots of the passing scenery from the train that I had planned on taking, I give you me at 8:12 AM (conveniently noted in the corner), as taken by my laptop camera. I’d love to say that my concerned look is a sign of my disappointment with myself, but I apparently have a permanently furrowed brow. I guess I furrow a lot. You can’t un-furrow, so I think I need to start planning my life as either one of those concerned citizens you keep hearing about, or a curmudgeon.

In the meantime, go visit Indexed, a great little web… comic… blog… infographic…. just go look, it is fantastic and Jessica Hagy deserves our attention and support.